Anxiety is a thief. It steals your thoughts.
It steals your sleep. It steals your confidence.
It can even steal your libido.
Karen Salmansohn
Calm Newsletter
Anxiety is a state of worrying and dread
- Dreading about the future. “I am nervous/anxious about that meeting/date/presentation.”
- An uncontrollable concern about social judgment. “Why can’t I just be myself and not care about what others think!”
- An irrational fear about getting sick.
- Ruminating about past mistakes. “What an ass I was!”.
It is also a state of restless and being on-edge, sometimes without knowing why. At its most intense, anxiety is panic. It overwhelms the person with doom and fear, and the body reacts as if being attack by a lion. Heart beats faster, muscle tense, breathe shallow and quick, sweaty palms, dizziness.
Anxiety is debilitating because the person starts avoiding tasks and situations in order to not feel anxious.
Partnering with your body
The ability to relax is foundational to calming your mind and body. Anxiety doesn’t go away when you tell it to “stop,” but you can use your mind to orchestrate the body. Practice the skills of deep relaxation, controlled breathing, mindfulness, and visualization to harmonize the mind and body.
Relief also comes from accepting what you can’t change. Like an athlete or dancer, changing your physiological response takes time and practice. It doesn’t happen overnight. You won’t be able to reduce anxiety every time, especially in the beginning. Don’t beat yourself up! A healthy dose of acceptance and self-compassion is essential.
The benefit of a newsletter format
When I give people a single file with all the life skills in this series, people usually feel overwhelmed by the amount of information. It’s like drinking from a fire hose. They would browse through it, put it aside, and likely never read it again. In contrast, people are more likely to retain and practice the life skills when they read them one at a time. So your patience and persistence will pay off when you complete this mini education series and acquire the skills to keep Calm!
What's next?
Knowledge and practice are the two wings of wisdom
The newsletter is carefully designed to help you learn and practice a set of life skills. It is based on extensive clinical experience and a review of workbooks most commonly used by therapists.
- Stimulate the body’s relaxation response. (read below)
- An overview of the biological mechanisms of anxiety and panic.
- A list of common anxiety triggers.
- Detailed instructions to track thoughts that cause anxiety.
- A guide to training your mind to be flexible.
- Tips to motivate yourself to exercise. Yes, I know, it’s hard!
- Techniques to experience a state of deep relaxation.
- An introduction to radical acceptance. Not a mind trick.
- An counter-intuitive approach to dealing with overwhelming anxiety.
- Strategies to overcome avoidance.
Are you ready?
As a psychologist who has worked with hundreds of clients and been on the other side, I know that the first step is often the most difficult. Sign up for the Calm newsletter and you will receive a life skill email daily. Read the first skill below. The daily schedule is designed to help you learn and practice, one skill at a time.
I value your privacy. Your information will not be shared.
Calm Newsletter
Life Skill - 1 - Stimulate your relaxation response
If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath. – Amit Ray
Breath is life
The practice of checking-in with your breath is the first skill for Calm because a change in breathing pattern is the first sign of anxiety. So first learn to simply pay attention to your breathing, without trying to change it.
- Notice how you may breathe shallowly or irregularly when you feel anxious or tense. This breathing pattern allows the body to take in more oxygen, so you can fight or run away from an imminent threat.
- When you are calm and relaxed, the breath will likely becomes deep and smooth.
Notice also how your posture changes when you take a deep breath. Deep breathing naturally straightens the spine and expands the chest, aligning various structures of the body.
Give your mind a break
By anchoring your attention to the breath, you are giving the mind a break, a reprieve from worrying. Feelings of nervousness and being on-edge are often compounded by catastrophic thoughts of “what if” and images of failures, judgment, and being trapped or stuck.
We feel exhausted and emotionally drained when the mind is always preoccupied by deadlines, health concerns, or other types of worrying. They are constantly trying to grab our attention. By nature the mind does not like to stay quiet for long.
Focusing attention to breathing will slowly quiet the mind. It grounds you into the body. When the mind is rested, you will experience improved concentration with the task at hand.
Types of breathing
You will notice various patterns of breathing when you start paying attention.
- Abdominal breathing. Breathing from the abdomen occurs naturally when you are relaxed. When air enters the lung, the chest rises while the belly expands.
- Shallow or chest breathing. Breathing shallow from the chest is associated with being anxious and fearful. Air is drawn into the chest area using muscles between the ribs, rather than throughout the lungs via the diaphragm. Many people breathe shallowly throughout the day without knowing it.
- Hyperventilation. Hyperventilation can be induced by taking many deep breaths in quick succession, which removes more carbon dioxide than the body can produce. It leads to dizziness, tingling in hands or feet, headaches, and symptoms similar to a panic attack. Slowing the breath will stop hyperventilation by restoring the carbon dioxide balance.
Stimulate relaxation by deep breathing
Whereas abdominal breathing occurs naturally when we feel relax, we can stimulate the relaxation response systems in your body by breathing deeply at a regular pattern. The mind and body are intimately connected.
- Deep breathing increases the oxygen supply in the bloodstream, and sends a message to your brain to relax. Research shows that breathing exercises can alter the pH of the blood or change blood pressure.1
- An additional benefit is improved posture. By using your diaphragm to breathe, you prompt the body to shift into an upright and confident posture.
Life Skill training – diaphragmatic breathing
Deep breathing is also called diaphragmatic breathing. If you breathe with your rib-cage (chest breathing), you will spend more energy and take in less oxygen. In contrast, if you use your diaphragm muscle, your belly should rise as you breathe in, and fall as you breathe out. Your breath will become slower and deeper.
Watch this video for detailed instruction on diaphragmatic breathing. Practice at least twice a day to train your body and stimulate the relaxation response.
Practice note: While practicing this life skill, don’t be surprised that thoughts will still pop up and grab your attention. The mind is really good at returning to old patterns or scanning for threats, whether or not they are real. Taming your mind is also like training a puppy; it wants to grab its favorite toy, never seems to tired. Or like herding cats, who always have a mind of their own.
Liang Liao, Ph.D., MBA
Licensed Psychologist
1. http://www.npr.org/2010/12/06/131734718/just-breathe-body-has-a-built-in-stress-reliever