Tonight was the second night we put M, our 9-month old daughter, to sleep by creating a circle of love and safety.  Our daughter has always given us a hard time when we put her to bed.  She is often restless, turning and tossing, and starts to cry for our attention almost as soon as we leave her in the crib.  Once in a while she would fall asleep by suckling on her bottle, but she also has thrown up, creating a mess, when we overly rely on this strategy and feed her too much.  She has also never taken to a pacifier.

Sometimes P, my partner, would hold her close and tightly to her chest, and although M would squirm and cry initially, she would calm down and fall asleep after a while.  Her crying would sometimes increase in intensity, however, and P would have to put her down again.  Once she is on the floor, her behavior would switch between rubbing her eyes, which is a sign of sleepiness, opening her arms towards us to communicate her desire to be held, and turning and kicking in different directions once she is in our arms.  We couldn’t figure out what she wanted, and she couldn’t seem to make up her mind either.

Last night, after we bathed her, P made the first attempt to put her to sleep.  She sat on the floor in the baby room and held M close, while I sat next to them to provide support.  The room was dark because we had turned off the lights.  M was squirming, and soon started whimpering.  Sensing that M may not be ready yet for sleep, P changed position and lay down on the floor, still holding M, so they were both lying sideway.  They were cuddling, except M wasn’t cooperating and wouldn’t keep still, mewling and babbling, always on the verge of crying to show her displeasure.  Watching them, I felt left out, so I joined them and lay down on the other side of M.  She was now between P and me.

As the three of us lied together, P sang a lullaby, gradually calming M.  Slowly my feet touched P’s, and one of our arms intertwined above M’s head, thus we formed a circle with M in the middle.  In this configuration, she sometimes stared at P, and sometimes looked down towards her chest, as if contemplating.  She was surprisingly and pleasantly peaceful, even after P had stopped singing.  After a while she turned and faced me, and I could see that she was not yet asleep because her eyes were open. I could see the darkness of her pupils, set against the white of her eyes.  Her plump cheeks wrapped in soft, smooth skin.  A dash of jet-black hair.  The room was quiet, and the only sound I could hear was our breathing.  The room was filled with silence and warmth.

I couldn’t tell how much time had passed.  For a moment the universe appeared to stop, consumed by the overwhelming tenderness I felt towards M and P.  I leaned over to P, and we kissed.  Although M had already fallen asleep, without making a sound, we continued to lie there, savoring the moment. As the night darkens, I picked up M and put her in the crib.  She stayed asleep when I held her, and I could feel her body slumping against mine.

M felt asleep with little fuss again tonight, when we tried the same approach.  I hope this will be her new bedtime routine.