Managing life transitions and their impact is one of the most difficult challenges we encounter. I describe below a writing activity that I’ve found helpful as I cope with several major life changes that took place the past two and a half years.
At a simple numerical level, I transitioned from living by myself (one person), living with P after getting married (two persons), and living with P and M after M’s birth (three persons). These additions have given me immense joy and love. At the same time, they have also brought about significant changes to everyday life. If understanding and honoring my needs were difficult when I was single, they are even more complex with family life, when what I want for myself is often not separate from what I want for P, M, and all three of us. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and off-balance by the demands.
To sort out these needs and understand how these life changes have been affecting me, I wrote down the personal identities that are currently most important to me. In other words, what are the different hats that I wear on a day-to-day basis? The next questions that I asked myself were: What are the qualities that I want each identity to embody? What activities would nourish these qualities?
Identity: Psychologist
Quality: Clinical excellence
Nourishing activities: Reading – 3x a week; Training – 1x every month
Quality: Serving more people
Nourishing activities: Writing – 1x a week; Services – Workshops and groups (TBD); Community building – 1x a week
Identity: Husband
Quality: Loving
Nourishing activities: Date nights – 1x a week; Cuddling – 4x a week; Quality time together – 5x a week
Quality: Supportive
Nourishing activities: Waking up instead of sleeping-in; House chores – 5x a week
Identity: Father
Quality: Loving
Nourishing activities: Reading to her – 3x a week
Quality: Present
Nourishing activities: Spending time with her – daily
Identity: Spiritual – gives me perspective, rejuvenates me, keeps me centered and grounded.
Quality: Self-growth
Nourishing activities: Reading – 1x a week; Listening to podcast – 1x every two weeks
Quality: Self-care
Nourishing activities: Meditation – 3x a week; Running – 2x a week; Tai-chi – 1x every a week
This activity helped me clarify and prioritize what are most important in my life. It highlighted the importance of partaking in nourishing activities in spite of the demands of everyday living. I also realize that I feel scattered when I spend time and energy unevenly across these roles. Most often I get wrapped up in the activities of being a psychologist, neglecting my spiritual self as a result.
What life transitions are you going through currently? Are you gaining, losing, or changing roles? If you have experienced a recent loss, how would you modify the activity above to help you understand how to cope?
